At lunchtime today I wanted to make a new salad in my lovely thermomix (yes I know, slightly addicted) but the main ingredient, fresh beetroot, was not in my fridge!!  So, I popped Miss L into her pram and off we went to Woolie’s to get some.  We were just walking along the pavement, having a chat, when out of nowhere there was this loud “clicking or popping” sound in my ear as this huge bird literally flapped its wings right over my head!!  I got such a fright I nearly jumped six foot off the ground.  Before I had a chance to work out what had just happened – it happened again!!  Whooosh! and POP! (the kind of popping sound you get when you click your tongue again the inside of your cheek).  This time I saw the flash of black and white and thats when I realised I was being attached by a magpie!

I’ve heard so many stories of people being attached by them and I’ve had a few tried to dive bomb me on the odd occasion but I’ve never before been purposefully attached by one.  As it landed on the balcony opposite the pavement we were standing on, I saw it shift from one leg to the other, staring at me (seriously, it really was) and I just knew it was going to come back.  As it took flight again, I did the most sensible thing, which was of course scream like banshie and throw my arms over my head for protection.  I then dived behind some scaffolding that was up against the building behind me to take cover and called Mr D.

“Hi”, he says, “what up?”  “I’m being attached by a crazy bird” I yell, almost breathless from fright (not that I’m dramatic or anything).  “Help!  What should I do??”  I could hear the slight snigger in his voice as he tried really hard to take me seriously.  I don’t know what I thought he was going to do sitting at his desk in the city, but still – right now he needed to make a sensible suggestion!!

The whole time I was on the phone I could see the bird perched on the balcony on the other side of the road, still shifting from one foot to the other and staring at me.  I stared back!  After a long while (well, probably only a few minutes, but it felt like a long while), I decided to be brave and head out.  The only way to Woolies from where I was, was down a steep hill, which would mean that I would have to turn my back on the bird.  I was too terrified to take my eye off it, so I decided to walk down the hill backwards – still pushing the pram!  I must have looked like a total nutcase!!  A few people walked past and I felt the need to tell them that I was being attached by a bird and that I didn’t normally walk down steep hills backwards!!

After getting my shopping and of course the beetroot, I decided to walk the long way home in the opposite direction to avoid the bird.  Thinking I was safe, I nearly jumped six foot in the air AGAIN when either the same bird (or its evil twin) dive-bombed me from behind.  This time its beak went right into my head and actually drew blood.  Yet again I scream and ducked for cover and luckily a nice man came to my rescue with an umbrella and fended the bird off until I was safely around the corner.

I rushed back home and guess what????  As I was unpacking the shopping I realised that I had left the beetroot behind in the shop!!  Aarrrrgghhhh!!!

If only I’d seen this sign first!

Mrs d signature4

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