Having a child of your own is not only the fastest way to grow up but also the fastest way to learn everything about yourself that you didn’t already know (which is a lot, believe me).
I thought I was SO ready for a baby when Master J was born but my world came tumbling down around me when I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression (PND)*. I gave myself such a hard time too, for not being the perfect mother that I imagined I would be (or should be). For not fitting in with all the cliches about motherhood and bonding with my baby.
I think the truth was that I had absolutely no idea about what to expect, and I was totally unprepared for the onset on PND, which can happen to some us, even the best of us, without any fault of our own. I didn’t know how to be a mother or how becoming a mother would affect me.
Amazingly I was still able to take care of my precious little boy, even with PND and not really understanding how I felt. At the time I didn’t think I had bonded with him at all (in fact I was convinced he hated me) but looking back now I can see that I actually had. I loved him, nursed him and protected him without even realising I was doing it and that, I believe, is something that only a MUM can do.
I was lucky to get another two chances to feel that initial bond when both my girls were born. I know it was there with Master J too, it just took me a little longer to realise.
As time has passed it’s been my three kids that have taught me how to be their mum. They love me, no questions asked and all they need is the same in return. They don’t care what I wear, what our house looks like, whether or not I have stuck to my weekly goals or whether or not I am doing things the right or the wrong way.
What they do care about is that I am there after school so they can rush out and show me their latest masterpiece, or that I am on the side on the rugby pitch watching the game, or reading them a story before bed or just giving them cuddles when they’re hurt or sad or just plain soppy.
There isn’t one single formula to being a perfect mother we can only do our best and the greatest thing of all is that they love us for it.
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL MUMS (and especially to my mum too, even though it’s not yet Mothers Day in England).
*You can read more about my journey through PND here.