16 signs you are living with a threenager

Yesterday afternoon my 3 year old fell asleep in her carseat just as I pulled up at the school gates.  Considering we only live 5 minutes from the school and she was apparently absolutely, definitely NOT tired, I am convinced the 3pm nap of doom is just another one of her hidden talents.

Just when you think you’ve survived all the tantrums the terrible twos can throw at you, the rise of the humble threenager emerges.  Their sudden surge of independence mixed in with zero patience and an absolute certainly of what they want, when they want it, makes 3 year olds seem like they are 3 going on 13.  Hell hath no fury like a threenager given a drink in the wrong colour cup!  Although all three of my kids have totally different personalities they all went through the same phases, the minute they turned 3.  Funny, infuriating, loveable and totally bat-shit crazy.

Here are 16 other tell tale signs that you might be living with a threenager.

1.  Trying to get them dressed in the morning is like a full on cardio workout.  It requires chasing them around the house, crawling under the bed after them, negotiating to the 9th degree and bucket load of patience.

2.  The worst things you could ever utter to your 3 year old are “It’s time to go now”, “You need a nap” and “It’s bedtime”.   3.  They are not happy with 1 of anything.  At the very least they need 1 for each hand.  Most of the time though it has to be 3, because they are 3 (of course).

4.  Don’t even try and help them in and out of the car or with their seatbelt, because they can do it THEMSELVES!  Even if it takes 20 minutes.  Be warned, if you even try and assist them just a little bit, it’s going to take even longer because they will just start again from the beginning.

5.  Shoes, zips, buckles, lunch boxes, lids, packets…… yes they can do all of these things ‘MYSELFS’ too, no matter how long it takes.

6.  They have a very selective sense of urgency.  If they want a drink, they want it NOW and god help you if you don’t produce it quick enough.  However, if you are running late and need to leave the house in a hurry, they will suddenly feel the need to perform everything at a snails pace.   7.  They will have the entire family living in fear of the simplest things like cutting a sandwich into squares instead of triangles, producing the wrong colour plate or flicking the TV on to the wrong episode of Peppa Pig.  Problem is, you can’t believe anything they ask you for either because by the time you do it, they’ve already changed their mind.   You are expected to have a sixth sense and just KNOW these things.

8.  Their negotiation skills are so sharp they can easily take on the best defence lawyer in the country.

9.  If you’re in a crowded place they will suddenly have the urge to run free and refuse to sit in any kind of pushchair.   However it’s impossible for them to walk the 200m to the school gate without needing a ‘carry’.

10.  They can tell you word for word what their big brother or sister did to upset them, or what they want you to do for them at that very instant, but if you want to know what they did at preschool, forget it!  Chances are they had no friends, no food and did nothing all day.

11.  You will be asked ‘WHY’ at least 4,648 every single day.   12.  They have an amazing talent for needing a poo just as you’re rushing out the door or needing a wee 5 minutes into a car journey.  I’m convinced it’s a skill.

13.  They have all the attitude of a fully fledged teenager.  The finger pointing, the hands on hips and the foot stamping.  They also have a great knack of perfectly repeating your worst phrases (right in front of strangers too).

14.  They have absolutely no filter.  If you’ve not yet experienced the utter humiliation of being asked “Why is that lady over there fat?” or “Why does that man have one leg?” then just you wait……

15.  They are absolutely NOT too little to do anything.   16.  They have their own unique sense of style and there is nothing you can do to change that.  Wearing a full spiderman suit to the beach on a 40 degree day is acceptable as wearing a skirt over your pyjamas to the supermarket.  At least 5 outfit changes a day is pretty acceptable too.  Just like teenagers, fashion wins over practicality.

Threenagers can zap every last ounce of energy out of you and make you feel like you are as mad as a box of frogs, but they are can also be such little darlings and melt your heart in an instant.  Little Lexi is my last threenager and I’m really trying not to wish it away too fast.  I love it when she tells me I’m her best friend and that I look just like a princess.  She also gives me the longest, tightest cuddles EVER.  Oh and she makes us laugh and laugh every day.

Do you have a threenager in the house?