A couple of days ago I took Master J and his best buddy Master C to the zoo.  They were FULL ON from the minute they got in the car.  “Lets see how long we can hold our breath for” Master C says.  “One, two, three, GO!”  “You made a noise, so you’re out!”  “Nah”, ‘Yeah”, “Nah”, Yeah”, “Nah, Yeah”, “NAH!!” “YEAH”!  “BOYS!  I shout from the front of the car, how can either of you be holding your breath if you’re talking to each other??”  “Oh, yeah” they giggle hysterically.  “Let’s go again………” I roll my eyes – this was going to be a loooong day!
Such a pair of little dudes!
I couldn’t help but chuckle, listening to the conversations of these two ‘almost’ six year olds.  “What are your private parts?” says one “It’s a penis and a vagina”.  “Nah!  It’s what’s under your clothes!”  “Yeah, like your penis and your belly button!  “Yeah, and boobs!!”  More hysterical giggles.  Then their voices become really hushed, so that I can supposedly not hear then.  “Lets say the f-word.”  “Ok, one, two, three…….f-word!!!”  “Boys’….. I can hear you!! I say.  Silence.  “We didn’t say ANYTHING!”  they protest in-between more giggles.  “You know the f-word is very rude don’t you??”  I tell them.  “If you say it at school you’ll be straight down to see the principle!”  But what does it mean mum?  Master J asks.  “It means fabulous!  “NAH, they giggle, you’re tricking us!!
We arrive at last and they dash off ahead me like two little out of control rockets!  It’s great exercise for me having to run after them with Miss L in the pram.  By the time I catch up with them they’ve climbed to the top of two giant poles.  “What are you doing?” I shout up at them.  “We’re trying to see if we can see over the zoo roof, Mater J yells back!”  “Well, get back down now!   I don’t want to take you home via the hospital.”
Just like a pair of monkeys
“Ok boys, I have one rule!  If you can’t see me then you’re gone to far!  Ok??”  “Yeah yeah” they say, and before I have a chance to get them to repeat it, they’ve broken it already!  Sh***T where are they now?  I have visions of having to tell Master C’s mum that I lost him at the zoo.  What on earth possessed me to think it was a good idea to come to the zoo in the school holidays???  Eventually I spot them.  “Boys!!  What was my rule??”  “If we can’t see you it’s bad?”  “EXACTLY!!  Now, could you see me??  “Yeah – you were just over there!!”  Deep breaths, deep breathes!  I’ve been stumped by two 5 year olds.
“PLEEEAAAASSSE can we go over there and see the snakes?”  “PLEEEEAAAASE” they both say, wringing their hands for effect.  “Oh alright.” (Of course they’d want to see the spiders rather than a friendly giraffe).  “YESSSSS!” and once again, they’re gone.  Short memories.  “BOYS” I yell after them again – “what colour is the pram?”  “PINK” they yell back!  “Phew, at least they have something to look out for if they’re lost!  The spider and snake section is a long narrow tunnel that goes through what feels like a cave.  It’s dark and has glass cages the whole way through it that are filled with every kind of deadly creature you can image.  Being school holidays, it was absolutely packed and once I was in I couldn’t turn around and go back.  This really is my idea of hell.  I could just about make out the boys’ ducking and diving their way through the crowds before they disappeared.  With Miss L is the pram, I and was trying to go as fast as I could to catch up with them.  “Excuse me, excise me, can I just get past you?”  I found myself saying a hundred times.  I couldn’t help feeling a bit panicked.  How strong is the glass on those cages??  My mind started wondering and I had visions of the crowds screaming and dispersing as two little boys had managed to let a couple of snakes out!!  Oh god that would just be so typical of them!!
Making friends witha  local blue tongued lizard
Fortunately when I reached the end of the tunnel I was still alive and so were the boys.  I found them sitting on a wall holding a lizard.  I think the zookeeper had taken a liking to them, with their big smiles and tilted baseball caps and a zillion over-enthusiastic questions.  She was carrying a python and asked if they wanted to hold it.   Of course they did!! I should have expected nothing less.  “Whoa, easy boys” says the zookeeper as they just grab the snake!  Honestly NO fear at all.  The python’s head is whizzing around their faces and they don’t even flinch.  Me on the other had – is taking deep breathes again!!  “Ok, so who is going to hold the head boys?” she asks, “ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!!!” they shout at the same time, hands in flying in the air.  “Lets do rock, paper, scissors”, she suggests.  Master J wins and just grabs the python’s head.  Oh, my god, I think, just hurry up and take the picture will you!”  They’d drawn quite a crowd by this point and later on that day when we went to the information desk to collect their photo, the lady on the desk knew exactly who they were the minute we walked in, and I didn’t even have to show my ticket!  I must admit – they did take a pretty awesome picture.
Rock, paper, scissors
I just LOVE the expressions!
“Do you want to go and see a show now boys?”  “Nah, they’re SOOO boring!  Can we go to the kids bit?”  “Are you sure?” I ask.  “What about the seal show?”  “Awww we hate the seal show  – it’s for babies!!”  “Ok, fine”, I say, “lets go to the kids bit.”  Once again they’re off and I’m left yelling – “What colour is the pram boys???” “PINK!!!”  I wonder behind them, looking at the animals and the beautiful view.  They’re not interests in the slightest. 
Trying to blow each other out of a cannon!
In the kids bit they enter a competition where they have to identify three different creatures to win a plastic magnifying glass.   As soon as they got their magnifying glasses they were off, crawling ‘off piste’ through the bushes trying to find “things’.  “Boys, there is a path here for a reason – get back on it!”  Either they can’t hear me or it’s a great case of selective hearing but they take absolutely no notice of me.  They seem to be having so much fun, that I decided to just leave them to it.  However, I can’t help thinking at the back of my mind what I would tell Master C’s mum if he gets bitten by a snake or falls off a rock!! 
Far happier playing ‘off piste’ than sticking to the tourist paths!
Best to be safe, so I drag them back on piste again and off we go.  On the way back to the top we pass the seal show and it’s just starting.  “Are you sure you don’t want to watch it?” I ask  “Nah” they say together.  “Fine!” I think.  Lets just get going.  However just as we past the entrance they dash in.  “Honestly!!!  I park up the pram and push my way through the crowds to try and see them.  They’ve managed to push their way in front of everyone and get a seat in the front of a completely packed out arena.  Well, if they can get away with it I think……..  I wait outside for them, sticking my head in every couple of minutes to check they’re still there.  They come and find me once the show has finished and I ask, “So how was it then?”  “AWESOME!!  They reply!
You gotta love them!  So different to spending the day with girls

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