One Wednesday morning the kids and I arrive a little early at Fitness First (my favourite gym – said with a large dose of sarcasm) for our weekly swimming lessons. They race into the changing room, strip off and jump straight into steam room to warm up. Here we go again I mutter “Come on J and Miss H, (trying not to shout) – come out of there please – you know you’ll just upset the old ladies”. I swear kids are programmed to do the exact opposite of what you tell them – week after week!! “Swimming starts in 10 minutes, so lets start getting organised” I say, trying to round them up like sheep as they dart off in different directions. I’ve just about got them sorted when I decide to make a quick visit to the ladies while I have the chance. I have to take Miss H into the cubicle with me, as I just don’t trust what she’ll get up to when I’m not looking. At least I can threaten Master J with no treat or some other mean thing if he moves a muscle while I’m in the loo. Unfortunately Miss H is still at the age where no amount of threatening does any good.
I did not anticipate what would happen next….. The little monkey squashed herself flat as a pancake and escaped underneath the cubicle door – whilst I am mid wee!! “Miss H, I yell, come back here right now, or mummy will be very cross!!!!” Nothing…… “MISS H, WHERE ARE YOU??? Nothing……. “J, I yell, (still from inside the damn cubicle) Where is Miss H, can you see her?. “She’s run away mum” he says “outside the changing rooms and I couldn’t catch her because you told me not to move until you finished your wee!” “Oh bugger” I think!! I fling open the door (no time to wash hands) and rush outside where she is nowhere to be seen!
Trying not to panic I start looking around – she can’t have gone far as this is a fitness centre – there are only so many places she can hide right?? “Little bugger’ I’m thinking to myself. After a couple of seconds I see a Fitness First person walk past, so I grab him and explain that I’ve lost my daughter – 2 years old, about so high with blonde hair??? He helpfully suggests I go to reception and see if someone will make an announcement for me. Good plan I think and rush over there. Still no sign of Miss H I might add!!! I get to reception and there are a couple of pretty young girls sitting there, so I call one over and explain my predicament. “Could you please make an announcement as I’ve lost my daughter somewhere in the building. “Of course she says, what’s her name?” “Miss H d I say and I’m about to explain that she is only two and so high with blonde hair, wearing pink etc ect when this booming voice comes over the loud speaker and interrupts me “ATTENTION ATTENTION CAN MISS H PLEASE MAKE HER WAY TO RECEPTION. THAT’S MISS H PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO RECEPTION”
Seriously?????? She’s two!!! Oh my god, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry?? I look up at the receptionist who’s beaming back at me completely clueless as to why I’m looking so flabbergasted!! Just as I’m about to explain to her that a two year old is not going to “come to reception when called” J come running round the corner saying “I’ve found her mum”!